A Faint Line

Leave it to "What to Expect When You're Expecting" to set me straight.

In the Chapter titled "Are you Pregnant?" someone asks: "When I took a home pregnancy test, it showed a really faint line. Am I pregnant?"

Answer: "The only way a pregnancy test can give you a positive result is if your body has a detectable level of hCG running through it (or in this case, through your urine). And the only way that your body can have hCG running through it is if you're pregnant. Which means that if your test is showing a line, no matter how faint it is -- you're pregnant."

Hmmm...really?

So, you're saying I didn't have to conduct my own controlled (Blake being the Control) experiment and BEG my husband to pee on a stick? He didn't.

And you're also saying I didn't have to pee on the second stick AND third stick just to be sure? I did.

Thanks! Wished I'd know that BEFORE this had transpired.

Just for Laughs

A pregnant woman calls the doctor and says, "Hi, I believe I'm pregnant and need to schedule my first prenatal visit."

The woman on the other side of the line runs through the standard list of questions and the pregnant woman politely answers.

"Have you visited us before?"

"Name?"

"Insurance?"

"Date of Birth?"

For a minute, this stumps the pregant woman. For she's not really sure but she takes a guess anyway. "Well, I'm not certain but I believe it would be July of 2010."

There's a pause and the other woman gently corrects the pregnant woman, "No, Ma'am. Your date of birth."

"Oh! Hahahaha! Well, I know that one."

Wondering who that pregnant lady is? Is she blonde? No. Just Me.

A Dog's Favorite Commercial

Gwynn's Favorite Commercial. Gets her everytime. Kind of like the doorbell that rings at the beginning of "House Hunters."

The 3rd Annual "S" Themed Christmas Dinner

French! Bon Appetit!

Previous themes:

2008: Crock Pot
2007: Magic Bullet

A Christmas (Ornament) to Remember

It is a Christmas Tradition that every year my Grandma and Grandpa "R" give the grandkids Christmas Tree Ornaments. In fact, Grandpa picks them out. I’ve come to look forward to these often times outlandish, sometimes gaudy, always beautiful ornaments.

In the past, Blake and I have received Snowmen.

Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus.


Ice Cream.


But THIS year’s ornaments I will cherish the most. The Beloved Yorkie.


And Coffee Fanatic.


Each ornament has a story.

You may not think a Yorkie fringed in pink would be a suitable gift for a man of 27. You may not think a Yorkie is a manly enough dog for man of 27. But Blake doesn’t care. He loves our little, almost but not quite 5 pound, bundle of fur. Leave it to Grandma to ask him the tough questions and put him on the spot, “Blake, are you ever embarrassed to walk that little dog down the street?” Blake’s response was a simple, “No” but I think Grandma already knew the answer before asking. Blake doesn’t care much of what others think (in a good way) as long as he stays true to his morals and beliefs.

When the Des Moines Farmer’s Market rolls around each year, you will find Blake and I there. Rain or shine. We’re in line for our Breakfast Burrito and Java Joe’s Coffee. Towards the end of the season this year Grandma and Grandpa joined us. Of course we showed them the ropes and Java Joe’s was on the itinerary. Blake and I always get the usual. For Blake it’s a 20 oz Iced Mocha with whipped cream. For me? I like it stronger. A 12 oz Mocha with an extra shot of espresso. No whip please. Imagine a 12 oz cup filled with 3 delicious shots of espresso. Well, Grandma didn’t want to just imagine it. She wanted to try it for herself! At first I was a little apprehensive. “Are you sure, Grandma?” I asked. “That’s a lot of caffeine.” I should have known better. Of course she was sure. Bring it on. She drank and enjoyed the entire thing. She didn’t break out in sweats. She didn’t suffer from heart palpitations. Instead, she said, “It’s a little weak for my taste.” That’s Grandma for ya.

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa for the wonderful ornaments and of course the memories that will last a lifetime. Love you so much!

Beware of Dog

When most individuals picture a Guard Dog, the following possibly comes to mind:

Instead, I want those people to consider the following:

Sure, she may look sweet and innocent but these pictures tell a different story.

I offer you victim #1 given to Gwynn by Grandma "S". Clearly she needed someone in her kennel to keep her warm. Gwynn, however, had other plans. She was not about to share her already limited real estate with someone bigger than her.

With the loss of its nose, this dog is no longer able to acquaint itself with another by the common act of sniffing.

To ensure she was understood, Gwynn also tore at the dogs hind quarters and jaws. Unfortunately, this dog stood no chance while confined in the close quarters of the kennel with Gwynn.

Perhaps the most severely traumatized victim, was victim #2. First Gwynn incapacitated this animal by removing its leg. Unable to fend for itself or even run, this victim experienced the worse when Gwynn went for its face and removed all the innards. It is now unrecognizable by friends and family.

Kiss victim #3, she did not. Turn into a Prince it did not. Instead it suffered partial blindness in both eyes and shredded lips.

The last crack victim #4 heard was the crack of its skin when Gwynn sunk her teeth into its flesh. Now it dreams of the crack heard when a wooden bat comes into contact with a baseball.

Offended by the reference to her breed, Gwynn tore into victim #5 to teach it a lesson. Now it is suffering from a loss of stuffing.

Victim #6 given to Gwynn by Grandma "F" was suppose to bring Christmas cheer to all. Unfortunately, it did not bring Christmas cheer to Gwynn.

While I cannot touch on the gory details of all Gwynn's victims I will touch upon her most recent victim. Given to her on her second birthday just in time for pheasant hunting season, Gwynn removed its plumage. If it weren't for the mauling of her final victim, she would make a great hunting dog as well.

So, next time you're in need of a Guard Dog, I urge you to step outside the box and consider a dog like Gwynn. It won't let you down.

My Favorite Lil' Pumpkins