Saturday, October 31, 2009

Beware of Dog

When most individuals picture a Guard Dog, the following possibly comes to mind:

Instead, I want those people to consider the following:

Sure, she may look sweet and innocent but these pictures tell a different story.

I offer you victim #1 given to Gwynn by Grandma "S". Clearly she needed someone in her kennel to keep her warm. Gwynn, however, had other plans. She was not about to share her already limited real estate with someone bigger than her.


With the loss of its nose, this dog is no longer able to acquaint itself with another by the common act of sniffing.

To ensure she was understood, Gwynn also tore at the dogs hind quarters and jaws. Unfortunately, this dog stood no chance while confined in the close quarters of the kennel with Gwynn.

Perhaps the most severely traumatized victim, was victim #2. First Gwynn incapacitated this animal by removing its leg. Unable to fend for itself or even run, this victim experienced the worse when Gwynn went for its face and removed all the innards. It is now unrecognizable by friends and family.

Kiss victim #3, she did not. Turn into a Prince it did not. Instead it suffered partial blindness in both eyes and shredded lips.


The last crack victim #4 heard was the crack of its skin when Gwynn sunk her teeth into its flesh. Now it dreams of the crack heard when a wooden bat comes into contact with a baseball.


Offended by the reference to her breed, Gwynn tore into victim #5 to teach it a lesson. Now it is suffering from a loss of stuffing.


Victim #6 given to Gwynn by Grandma "F" was suppose to bring Christmas cheer to all. Unfortunately, it did not bring Christmas cheer to Gwynn.

While I cannot touch on the gory details of all Gwynn's victims I will touch upon her most recent victim. Given to her on her second birthday just in time for pheasant hunting season, Gwynn removed its plumage. If it weren't for the mauling of her final victim, she would make a great hunting dog as well.

So, next time you're in need of a Guard Dog, I urge you to step outside the box and consider a dog like Gwynn. It won't let you down.